In which pirates and ninjas are discussed…
Finally, an end to the debate.
“Do you know how many recorded fights of ninjas vs. pirates there are in the history of the world? 3,421. Do you know that rumors exist of fights upwards of ten billion?
Do you know how many of those fights pirates won?
Zero.
There was one fight where pirates finally invented a ninja killing laser. They used it against the most powerful ninja of the time, and it shot a hole in his chest and caused him to exclaim in dismay, “wtf?!”
Yes, he used the “?!” combination.
At that point he killed almost as many pirates as Kaiser Soze killed Turkish people.
Before lunch.
Later that day, most pirates committed seppuku. The ninjas raised them from the dead, cut off their genitals, and killed them by squashing them under the hooves of hippopotomai to remove their honor.
That’s why the only pirates that exist nowadays steal computer software. Because ninjas don’t give a crap about computers. A ninja’s brain is worth 6 thousand computers.
As a side note, no ninja ever had the balls to EVER stand up to Kaiser Soze.”
An introduction.
When Seth moved into town in 5th grade, we instantly hated each other. We think it had something to do with socks. But by 6th grade, we were great friends and, 15 years later, we still are.
But, if there’s one thing the world needs to know about Seth, it’s his love of a proper rant. Pick a topic, and he will pick a side and argue it until you walk away in frustration, ready to punch a baby (which is probably what you were arguing about in the first place). I’m sure that on his deathbed, instead of voicing regrets for the things he did or didn’t do with his life, his eyes will come alive once more and his dry, cracked lips will form a whispered sentence.
“That argument we had about the Matrix in 2003? I was totally right.”
And with those words, his final breath, he will fall into sweet slumber.
Thus, this post begins the chronicling of his interesting, well-supported, and often Really Freaking Crazy opinions about whatever topic might happen to spring to mind. Because years from now, when Seth is the CEO of some Fortune 500 company, we’ll need to look back on these rants and say to ourselves one thing:
Man that dude was crazy!
